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Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Radical Vulnerability is Scary as Fuck

Being vulnerable means being honest. Painfully honest. How do you do that without making people feel uncomfortable? Why are people so uncomfortable with honesty? True honesty. My heart is in my hands honesty. Not "I'm just having a bad day" honesty; "I'm feeling really lonely and afraid" honesty.

This is my vulnerability:

I don't know what I'm doing. When is it appropriate to say "I'm scared that I'll never not be poor." And to whom? When is it okay to say, "I don't want to live like this anymore, but I don't know how to escape it."

How do you say "I'm afraid that my economic status will turn people away from me." How do you say, "I don't know how to be poor in a radical way." How do you say, "I want a clean house and my own space. I want nice things."

How do you say "I don't think I will ever fit into any community." How do you say, "I am not queer enough. Not heteronormative enough. Not radical enough. Not mainstream enough."

How do you tell people that you don't think you are good enough without them turning away in discomfort and unease?

How do you reach out for comfort without causing everyone to pull away?

How do you make yourself vulnerable when you know you will be hurt?